29) Taking the pressure off

Wow, it's been a while.  I think my laptop has all but forgotten my login details!

In the meantime, I've been doing… not a lot.  In knitting, I've finally finished Moor, including bands and stitching down the facing.  I'm reasonably sure that's my longest running project in the last five years, which is pretty crazy for a sleeveless top.  I've also been inching my way through another Ann Hanson pattern – the Nightingale Wing stole – at the rate of about one row per day.  And that's it.

Spinning?  Some blue silk on my wheel.  But I'm yet to finish the first bobbin.

Weaving?  There has been some, but not that much, really.

Dyeing??  After my wonderful success at Textiles in Focus, don't even ask!

And other than that, my cooking mojo has all but deserted me – sourdough is now a regular habit, but I can't remember a year since leaving home when I've cooked less.  There has been some brewing activity (two batches of beer and one of wine have been started), and I've been gardening a fair bit, but in all honesty, I'm not sure where my time's been going.

One thing I do know, is that I've felt under a lot of pressure.  This post could have been titled, "What to do when the whole world looks like your to-do list," except I don't have a good answer.  Mostly, I seem to have been chasing my own tail and falling into myself in an introverted spiral.

Now, though, I think I might be waking up.  I've revisited my aims for the year:

  • Appreciate what I have;
  • Release what I don't need;
  • Keep up with the obligations I have taken on;
  • Be more aware of what I am achieving.

And I've been thinking about what they mean.  To mix it up a bit, I'm releasing some obligations I really don't need, and I'm trying to work on understanding that I don't have to overshoot every target; that it is worth doing a little bit of everything, to let go of the perfectionism I tend (just occasionally!) to lapse into.  Concentrating on relaxing

Now, I feel a bit like a flower emerging from a bud – unfurling, unwrapping, sighing in relief at the release of pressure.  Petals being teased out and ruffled by the wind, and a sense of ease being allowed to creep in to my life.

I'm starting to give myself permission to sit on the sofa and knit for a whole evening again.  I'm not sure when, but that's stopped being a nightly scenario and now feels unspeakably lazy and self-indulgent.  I think the fact that I'm blogging is itself a good sign – its too easy, when you've taken a break, to feel you have to catch up with the backlog of things you 'should' have been writing about.  Maybe I will catch up on some of those – but I won't make myself.

Besides, it's kinda hard to stress when Woody is sharing your sofa:

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